Beware Of The Ben

[denny]

duranorak got propositioned by a guy while we were out together this weekend. She seems mildly offended that when she turned him down, he went and found someone else to grope in a corner instead, rather than carrying on the conversation he'd struck up with her prior to the crucial "Fancy coming back to my place later?"

I'm intrigued by all this... personally, I'm always quite complimented when people hit on me... and unless we were at a fetish club, I'd expect it to be done in much the way this was (i.e. express some vague interest in the person you're chatting up, then pop the question at them) rather than just starting out with "So, fancy a shag?", which seems to be what duranorak would have preferred - it would be more honest, apparently. If not particularly socially acceptable, I'm thinking.

So, where was I going with this? Oh yes... question: if being approached as a potential shag in a pub or club, would you prefer the 'Hi, how are you/do you come here often/what's your sign/etc?' approach, or the 'Hi, wanna fuck?' approach?

Comments

[wildeabandon.livejournal.com]

I'm in favour of the starting a conversation first plan, as unless someone is startlingly attractive, I'm going to automatically turn down a wannafuck. If they seem interesting when I'm talking to them I'm much more likely to want to sleep with them. I'm not quite sure why it's considered deceitful, unless you deliberately try and give the impression that you're not on the pull at all.

(of course, all this is notwithstanding the fact that I'm now deeply unlikely to sleep with anyone I'm not in a relationship with anyway)

[duranorak.livejournal.com]

I did accuse Ben.5 of being dishonest that night (no, not to his face, of course not) because I asked him "Why did you come and find me to talk to me?" and he said "I found you intriguing, I want to know all about you" when all he actually wanted was to sleep with me. I don't know, if I say "I want to know all about you" I mean it, and I say it because I want someone to know I think they're special and fascinating; if I wanted to [well, not have sex with them, but y'know] I'd give some variant of "I've noticed you around, I find you very attractive, would you go to bed with me?"
I realise I'm in a minority by being someone who'd *rather* know all about someone they find attractive than sleep with them, but I still don't like someone saying they want to know "all about me" when all they actually want to know is "yes or no"?

~shrug~

E.
x

[dennyd.livejournal.com]

"...I want to know all about you..."

Tis an odd turn of phrase to use if all you're actually doing is the polite preamble to 'wanna shag?', yes. If he's not careful, the lad could end up with stalkers boiling his pets (or his balls) for him...

[duranorak.livejournal.com]

He already had at least one stalker. ~grin~ Now he's got at least one with a vengeance. Mwahahahaha. Etc.

I suspect he may have been drunk, or perhaps slightly worse. But you know I never notice that.

E.
x

[dennyd.livejournal.com]

I suspect he may have been drunk, or perhaps slightly worse

I was about to answer "He can't have been, not and still do that contact juggling stuff", and then I remembered the state I was in when I was juggling at Whitby  :-\

Yes, he did look a bit cheerful... could be. Or he could just be a bit lacking in actual charm to back up the apparent charm he obviously has.

[wildeabandon.livejournal.com]

That does make a certain sense, although to me "I want to know all about you" sounds so much like a line that I'd assume it was from the get go.

Also, you mentioned in a comment elsethread that shortly after he mentioned being interested in sex with you, you ran off to dance. That's something that I do when someone is being more interested than I'd like, so it's quite possible that he assumed you were doing the same, and that put his defences up?

[duranorak.livejournal.com]

Well...well...~gestures in an entirely fucking exasperated way~ I expect people to take me at my word ("I'll be back after this song") and I expect to be able to take people at theirs ("I'll be here after this song") and normally that's borne out which is why it throws me so much when I meet a Ben person who isn't honest!

~sigh~

I didn't believe interesting people had 'lines' - I thought that was just for people without the wit to come up with anything original. Because people don't chat me up, I guess. I just don't have the words for how depressed this thread has made me.

E.
x

[wildeabandon.livejournal.com]

You m'dear, are far too trusting. Expecting people who know you to take you at your word/stick to theirs, is one thing, but strangers? Why should they? They have no idea what you're like.

I didn't believe interesting people had 'lines'

Heck, I have lines. Don't use them very often, but I have them.

Um. And drawing the obvious conclusion from that will get you pouted at...

I've been telling myself I was about to go to bed for the past three comments. I really am going to now...

[duranorak.livejournal.com]

I don't know, I don't automatically distrust strangers so I don't assume they'll automatically distrust me. ~sigh~ Whatever.

Sleep well.

E.
x

[reddragdiva]

I use lines all the time. If you get post-post-ironic enough, it means the same thing, but better. And stuff.

[dennyd.livejournal.com]

I didn't believe interesting people had 'lines' - I thought that was just for people without the wit to come up with anything original.

Well, he's kinda cute, but that doesn't mean he's actually going to be interesting to hold a conversation with. As proved, or at least strongly suggested, by his behaviour on Friday.

Because people don't chat me up, I guess.

Um. What was he doing then?  :)

You may wish to try and develop a slightly thicker skin about being approached by people who lack key social skills in this area... it's likely to happen more often as you grow more confident and look more approachable.

*huggles* Miss you *kiss*

[duranorak.livejournal.com]

I meant to add "(which he was)" after "interesting people". He was, really. Just, kind of crap with it. Or, y'know, Ben.

Heck, I need a thicker skin to deal with everything.
Whatever. Lots and lots of whatever. And lots.

But I miss you, too.

E.
x