denny: (Ball pool)

I had a very pleasant extended weekend. My friends are great :) I took a number of them out for a meal on Saturday afternoon to celebrate my settlement cheque coming through, and then we went back to [ profile] denari's place to party all weekend. It was every bit as good a party as I could have hoped for, and for the greater part of it I pretty much forgot I was sad. Many hugs to all concerned, most particularly to [ profile] denari, [ profile] flippit, and of course to [ profile] libellum.

The latter two of whom decided to wander off on a Sekrit Mission at midday on Sunday, and return with a ballpool for me!! Which they sneakily set up in the spare room before inviting me in to see what they'd been up to. I believe [ profile] konekosaru also played a part in sourcing the items, so hugs to her too... it made me very happy indeed :)

Generally speaking this party went a long way towards making up for the fairly downbeat birthday weekend, for which I am more grateful than I can express.

Yesterday I woke up feeling unexpectedly perky, and decided that I was going to make use of some of my recently purchased Airkix minutes. I recruited Helen and Fliss and we headed off to MK to fly. It was very entertaining indeed - I spent five minutes in the air in total, and have started to feel like I have some control over what I'm doing. The instructor we had this time was particularly good, taking a far more hands-off approach than the first time we visited, which meant that we made some more interesting (okay, terrifying*) mistakes, but also learned far more about how to correct ourselves instead of being herded back into line by someone else. I can't wait to go back again, and may well do so this weekend or next week.

Today, Helen has gone back home to work, and I'm trying to get some relaxation done in my last day off before returning to work again. I miss her lots :(

* I managed to accidentally flip onto my back (and therefore plummet towards the floor) from above the height of the glass (three or four meters up, at a guess). Yikes. Still, 'plummet' is a bit of an exaggeration - although you're not exposing enough body surface to fly in that position, you're still somewhat buoyed up by the airflow, and the instructor did manage to grab me and slow me down a bit before I hit the mesh too. No harm done :) Instructor's comment: "If you go high, don't look down, and don't make any radical movements, okay?" :-p
denny: (Unhappy Star)
...but not a particularly happy one.

Don't get me wrong, there's been plenty of happy moments. I've had nice presents (a huge thank you to many of my friends, and to my wonderful girlfriend). I've been shopping and spent a large sum of money on books, which is always good. I started the day in bed with Helen and have returned to it once or twice since ;) I've even been offered a threesome at some point this week, amusingly with both of the other participants independently asking me within an hour of each other if I would like to try to set something up with the other person :) There has been a lot of Good Stuff today.

Still, I'm sad; that's my baseline state, and when there's nothing actively happening to cheer me up, I return to it.

I've been putting off writing any detail in my journal lately about what's going on in my life, which has tended to make the personal entries a bit cryptic and emo over the last month. I really don't like doing that - this is my journal, and if my head is a mess then this is exactly where I should be trying to write it all down and work it all out. However. Although this is my journal, and I should be able to write whatever I like about my personal life... there's the tricky issue of how much it's polite to write about other people's personal lives. When the other people are so completely integral to what's happening to your life, it can be impossible to write about the mess inside your own head without talking about their personal lives too.

I've decided over the last few days that I'm going to have to write about what's been happening lately, despite other people being heavily involved, because it's just been too important to me to leave it as a few cryptic posts and a succession of downbeat mood settings.

I'm going to give people made-up names to give some vague hint of politeness to the whole thing of discussing their personal lives, but they're going to be fairly obvious made-up names if you know the people involved. I'm sure all our mutual friends already know 3/4 of what's gone on anyway, and maybe it'll make a bit more sense if they have the other 1/4 to finish the picture. The rest of you can just read it for entertainment value, or because you care about the things that shape my life, or out of intense boredom :)

So why are you such a miserable fucker on your birthday Denny? )

That slightly pathetic tale said and done... Helen has just got out of the bath, and we're going back to bed again now. To read our new books. Honest.

It's not all bad, this birthday. It's had its moments.

Just not that moment.
denny: (Hold me)
"I kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apart.
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when I tried so hard ..."
-- Linkin Park, In The End
I'm feeling quite a bit better today. I think my head broke so badly yesterday that the only way I could go was up. I'm still very sad, but it seems more controllable now. Mornings are still the most difficult bit... they meant a lot, and now there's a gap in them.

Last night I failed to hit a fairly important and easily achievable deadline at work, even after it had been extended twice (originally it was last Thursday). This has, unsurprisingly, failed to impress my boss. I'm a bit worried after the talk we had a few weeks ago... I can only hope that he can see the difference between me not putting enough effort in, and me trying really hard but failing. And that he cares about the difference.

I'm not really sure what's happening about my birthday... I had tentative plans for it to be really quite fantastic, but now it seems quite likely that they're not going to happen. I was also planning a bit of a party, which also won't happen as Helen is moving house that weekend. I may have to compensate for this problem by having a monster moving-in party when I get the new flat, although that's a way off. Still, maybe I'll be in a better mood for it by then... things keep changing so fast at the minute, at least some of them have got to change for the better again soon, right?
denny: Photo of me wearing my beloved silly hat.  It's wuzzy! (Default)
Well, some people turned up for my birthday party-ish thing yesterday ([ profile] azekeil, [ profile] kissycat1000 and [ profile] gothslut among them). Some other people sent apologies or just didn't make it - particularly missed were [ profile] darklightimages who's been busy half-dying of asthma from the sound of it, and [ profile] ninneviane who seems to have just a few things to be getting on with at present  :)

On the whole it was a lot quieter than I was hoping - more of a gathering than a party. I suspect this was either caused or aided by the fact that half the people buggered off really early. Still, it was nice to see people anyway... and maybe I'm too old for having loud parties now - whether I want them or not?  ;)

Toward the end of the night, I got comfortable enough lounging around on the floor eating KFC and watching Red Dwarf that I temporarily forgot my leg was broken and tried to use it as part of the process of sitting up. There was a loud squeal and a short burst of swearing on my part, and it still hurts quite a bit today. I've been waiting for something like that to happen, an instinctive movement that slips through the mental safety nets I've been building around everything I do. Still, hopefully no permanent damage done, just a loud and definite warning to be even more careful in future.

I've got a hospital appointment on the 16th when I get x-rayed and find out how things are going inside the leg... so far I can't say that it feels particularly encouraging - there are definitely still bits rattling around loose in there. Even before I strained it last night there were still directions that I can't let the leg take its own weight in without some rather unattractive 'crunch' noises resulting. I'm not sure whether this means it's not healing very well, or whether it's to be expected that it will take longer than this before it starts being even vaguely intact again.

I'm reaching another one of those points where this whole process seems to be interminable... I'm not even a quarter of the way through the full healing period yet, and less than halfway to the time I can try walking again even if all goes well. I'm really starting to miss dancing an incredible amount - I had no idea how much pleasure I got from going out to Full Tilt at the Electric Ballroom and bouncing around like a loony for a few hours. I'm a bit miffed that there will be bouncy bands at Whitby, which although it is months away, will still be within my 'not even walking' time let alone my 'not safe to dance like a loony yet' time.

Tangent 1: [ profile] gothslut managed to leave her phone here today... if anyone known to either me or her is going to be going from MK to Cambridge sometime in the next couple of days, please let us know - otherwise I'll have to post it. Trusting someone else's property to the MK post fills me with a certain amount of dread.

Tangent 2: I waited until 10 to 11 tonight before deciding that yes, I was hungry enough for it to be worth me phoning a pizza. Only to find out that the pizza place's driver was taking an early night and had just gone out on his last delivery run. They did ask if I could collect, but of course that's not really an option at present. Bah.

November 2017



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