No, you can't use me for sex.
Oct. 4th, 2005 03:44 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
denny...not because I wouldn't let you, but just because I don't see how it would be possible. I like sex.
A few times lately in various conversations I've heard girls use phrases like "He was just using me for sex" or "I don't want to be used for sex", and also things like "He needs to earn it first".
I don't understand this concept.
As far as I can tell, having sex with someone is a trade. They get some, you get some. Everyone's a winner.
If a girl wants to have sex with me, then I don't see how I can 'use' her for sex, and I don't see why I should have to 'earn' it either. If she wants sex with me, and she gets it, surely that's a fairly successful outcome for her? And if she doesn't want sex with me, then I wouldn't want to do it anyway... half-hearted shags are almost invariably crap.
Anyway, can anybody explain the fault in my reasoning? Maybe girls have a sekrit stockpile of sex that guys steal from them if they don't keep it carefully guarded at all times...
Do girls actually feel like they're doing blokes a huge one-way favour when they sleep with them? If so, why do they bother doing it?
I say 'girl' because I've yet to hear a guy complain about being used for sex. Odd that. Is this because men are sluts, or is it because society has given women some weird artificially inflated opinion of the value of their participation in the sex act, compared to the participation of the guy?
Or perhaps it's that women are less likely to enjoy sex? The problem I have is reconciling enjoying sex and 'feeling used' by it. I suppose if you hated sex but did it anyway (for what?) then it would make more sense.
I know gay guys don't seem to be worried about being used for sex. Is the concept in use in the gay scene for women, or is it strictly a heterosexual thing? Maybe it's part of the whole 'women as property' mess that our society is still trying to shake off?
I really don't understand this attitude to sex - and when it's aimed at me, I find it quite insulting. It takes two to tango... if you don't want me as much as I want you, then why are we even talking about it?
A few times lately in various conversations I've heard girls use phrases like "He was just using me for sex" or "I don't want to be used for sex", and also things like "He needs to earn it first".
I don't understand this concept.
As far as I can tell, having sex with someone is a trade. They get some, you get some. Everyone's a winner.
If a girl wants to have sex with me, then I don't see how I can 'use' her for sex, and I don't see why I should have to 'earn' it either. If she wants sex with me, and she gets it, surely that's a fairly successful outcome for her? And if she doesn't want sex with me, then I wouldn't want to do it anyway... half-hearted shags are almost invariably crap.
Anyway, can anybody explain the fault in my reasoning? Maybe girls have a sekrit stockpile of sex that guys steal from them if they don't keep it carefully guarded at all times...
Do girls actually feel like they're doing blokes a huge one-way favour when they sleep with them? If so, why do they bother doing it?
I say 'girl' because I've yet to hear a guy complain about being used for sex. Odd that. Is this because men are sluts, or is it because society has given women some weird artificially inflated opinion of the value of their participation in the sex act, compared to the participation of the guy?
Or perhaps it's that women are less likely to enjoy sex? The problem I have is reconciling enjoying sex and 'feeling used' by it. I suppose if you hated sex but did it anyway (for what?) then it would make more sense.
I know gay guys don't seem to be worried about being used for sex. Is the concept in use in the gay scene for women, or is it strictly a heterosexual thing? Maybe it's part of the whole 'women as property' mess that our society is still trying to shake off?
I really don't understand this attitude to sex - and when it's aimed at me, I find it quite insulting. It takes two to tango... if you don't want me as much as I want you, then why are we even talking about it?
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(no subject)
Date: 2005-10-04 11:45 pm (UTC)Some people are crap in bed. Specifically, in the kind of instance about which you're talking, because some people are selfish, selfish gits.
And no, I'm not actually talking men, here - for the most part, most of the sexual experiences I've had with most of the blokes with whom I've had sexual experiences have been reciprocal. They're right alongside the sex-as-exchange thing. Well, okay, there have been blips, of course, but statistically...
No, oddly enough, most of my awe-shatteringly, jaw-droppingly I-can't-believe-you-just-did-that sexual experiences of mind-bending selfishness have involved women. Women who just didn't fancy sharing the O, thank you very much - no, I'm fine, I'll just sleep now.
{timid voice of incredulity} Erm, hello? Am I brutally hideous and have poor personal hygiene? Er? Hello? Oh, sorry, you're asleep, I'll just... er...
Go masturbate in your bathroom.
That's not to say some of the blokes haven't been insensitive or selfish or frankly mad or whatever, but it's overwhelmingly the women who've 'used' me. Taken their orgasm and run. Actually, sauntered away, smugly, satisfied with their prize.
Gits.
Like you, I find it hard to understand how anyone could enjoy not giving pleasure to someone else. But it happens. Oh my, it does. And no doubt I'll witness it again. I'm hoping not, but
you never know your luckI know my luck all too well, ta. At least nowadays I just say pfff and walk away early on instead of hanging around, satisfied with scraps for ages.frussercrusserrusser
Anyway, that's my perspective.
{nods}
No doubt you have inspired many a rant. 104 comments?!