Beware Of The Ben

[denny]

duranorak got propositioned by a guy while we were out together this weekend. She seems mildly offended that when she turned him down, he went and found someone else to grope in a corner instead, rather than carrying on the conversation he'd struck up with her prior to the crucial "Fancy coming back to my place later?"

I'm intrigued by all this... personally, I'm always quite complimented when people hit on me... and unless we were at a fetish club, I'd expect it to be done in much the way this was (i.e. express some vague interest in the person you're chatting up, then pop the question at them) rather than just starting out with "So, fancy a shag?", which seems to be what duranorak would have preferred - it would be more honest, apparently. If not particularly socially acceptable, I'm thinking.

So, where was I going with this? Oh yes... question: if being approached as a potential shag in a pub or club, would you prefer the 'Hi, how are you/do you come here often/what's your sign/etc?' approach, or the 'Hi, wanna fuck?' approach?

Comments

[nickys.livejournal.com]

Well, if all they wanted was a shag then I'd rather they were honest about that from the start rather than pretending to be interested in talking to me and then vanishing into thin air when I turned out not to be prepared to sleep with them.
I do think it's bad manners to pretend to like someone for the sole purpose of getting them into bed.
At the very least, if a guy has started a conversation it would be polite for him to finish it before going off to ask somebody else for a shag, rather than acting as if a woman ceases to exist if she doesn't want to have sex with him.

[duranorak.livejournal.com]

I couldn't have said it better myself. Yes.

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[dennyd.livejournal.com]

At the very least, if a guy has started a conversation it would be polite for him to finish it before going off to ask somebody else for a shag, rather than acting as if a woman ceases to exist if she doesn't want to have sex with him.

Yes, that's a good point. I'm not sure how swiftly he mooched off once he figured out he was out of luck, but I'd agree with you on this one... chatting for a bit longer would be polite. And, in this case, might have left him a good chance for the future too, judging by what duranorak has said elsewhere  :)

[duranorak.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure how swiftly he mooched off once he figured out he was out of luck

Him : Blah blah blah, want to have sex?
Me : Er, I can't, stuff, things, wish I could, [things which required explanation] -
DJ : 'Gorgeous', Turbulent Soundscape.
Me : I'm sorry, I really have to dance to this. I'll explain when I get back.
Him : OK, I could already see you loved this song. I'll be here when it's finished.

So I ran off, then when it was over I squeaked at you and then ran back, and he wasn't there, and I went and found him and said "Hey" and he turned away from me and wandered off. I tried talking to him twice after that (when he was alone) and he did the same. Sorry, but I call that downright nasty.
I realise it may have been partly my fault for running off to dance but it wasn't as if I just bolted, and he did say he'd be there when I got back.

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[dennyd.livejournal.com]

I went and found him and said "Hey" and he turned away from me and wandered off. I tried talking to him twice after that (when he was alone) and he did the same. Sorry, but I call that downright nasty.

Well yes, I'd agree. You didn't mention it was that blatant when you told me he didn't seem interested in talking any more.

[duranorak.livejournal.com]

Eh. I was a lot more upset than I wanted to be and I was trying very hard to squash it flat. Telling yourself "it's really not that bad, honest" tends to project onto other people as well. Which is a good thing until you're cross-examined later. :)

Oh dear. That made no sense, I need to sleep.

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