No, you can't use me for sex.
Oct. 4th, 2005 03:44 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
denny...not because I wouldn't let you, but just because I don't see how it would be possible. I like sex.
A few times lately in various conversations I've heard girls use phrases like "He was just using me for sex" or "I don't want to be used for sex", and also things like "He needs to earn it first".
I don't understand this concept.
As far as I can tell, having sex with someone is a trade. They get some, you get some. Everyone's a winner.
If a girl wants to have sex with me, then I don't see how I can 'use' her for sex, and I don't see why I should have to 'earn' it either. If she wants sex with me, and she gets it, surely that's a fairly successful outcome for her? And if she doesn't want sex with me, then I wouldn't want to do it anyway... half-hearted shags are almost invariably crap.
Anyway, can anybody explain the fault in my reasoning? Maybe girls have a sekrit stockpile of sex that guys steal from them if they don't keep it carefully guarded at all times...
Do girls actually feel like they're doing blokes a huge one-way favour when they sleep with them? If so, why do they bother doing it?
I say 'girl' because I've yet to hear a guy complain about being used for sex. Odd that. Is this because men are sluts, or is it because society has given women some weird artificially inflated opinion of the value of their participation in the sex act, compared to the participation of the guy?
Or perhaps it's that women are less likely to enjoy sex? The problem I have is reconciling enjoying sex and 'feeling used' by it. I suppose if you hated sex but did it anyway (for what?) then it would make more sense.
I know gay guys don't seem to be worried about being used for sex. Is the concept in use in the gay scene for women, or is it strictly a heterosexual thing? Maybe it's part of the whole 'women as property' mess that our society is still trying to shake off?
I really don't understand this attitude to sex - and when it's aimed at me, I find it quite insulting. It takes two to tango... if you don't want me as much as I want you, then why are we even talking about it?
A few times lately in various conversations I've heard girls use phrases like "He was just using me for sex" or "I don't want to be used for sex", and also things like "He needs to earn it first".
I don't understand this concept.
As far as I can tell, having sex with someone is a trade. They get some, you get some. Everyone's a winner.
If a girl wants to have sex with me, then I don't see how I can 'use' her for sex, and I don't see why I should have to 'earn' it either. If she wants sex with me, and she gets it, surely that's a fairly successful outcome for her? And if she doesn't want sex with me, then I wouldn't want to do it anyway... half-hearted shags are almost invariably crap.
Anyway, can anybody explain the fault in my reasoning? Maybe girls have a sekrit stockpile of sex that guys steal from them if they don't keep it carefully guarded at all times...
Do girls actually feel like they're doing blokes a huge one-way favour when they sleep with them? If so, why do they bother doing it?
I say 'girl' because I've yet to hear a guy complain about being used for sex. Odd that. Is this because men are sluts, or is it because society has given women some weird artificially inflated opinion of the value of their participation in the sex act, compared to the participation of the guy?
Or perhaps it's that women are less likely to enjoy sex? The problem I have is reconciling enjoying sex and 'feeling used' by it. I suppose if you hated sex but did it anyway (for what?) then it would make more sense.
I know gay guys don't seem to be worried about being used for sex. Is the concept in use in the gay scene for women, or is it strictly a heterosexual thing? Maybe it's part of the whole 'women as property' mess that our society is still trying to shake off?
I really don't understand this attitude to sex - and when it's aimed at me, I find it quite insulting. It takes two to tango... if you don't want me as much as I want you, then why are we even talking about it?
(no subject)
Date: 2005-10-04 09:55 pm (UTC)From my point of view, if we're working on a scale of zero to ten where ten is Mrs X's reaction and zero is nothing at all, no pleasurable response whatever, then over a series of (say ten) sexual encounters, my male partner will reliably score between seven and nine on the pleasure-o-meter, and will *never* score below a five. I will reliably score a one or two, and will never score *above* a five, ever. From reading and anecdotal evidence I suspect this may be more common than your situation.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-10-04 10:43 pm (UTC)I think I might have come across as being someone who doesn't like sex and maybe a little bitter. But that wasn't my intent, just that men are continually being portrayed in a negative light and often from a rather sexist view point.
Sex is different for men and women. But the continual misbelief that because men want sex means they like it more, that's just denial. Most men prefer a lot of things more than sex, maybe they are afraid to admit to it but it's true.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-11-25 12:15 am (UTC)i have to say my first reaction was "oh really? so all those times i was really loving it, and somehow i just didn't know?"
anyway.
xx