No, you can't use me for sex.
Oct. 4th, 2005 03:44 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
denny...not because I wouldn't let you, but just because I don't see how it would be possible. I like sex.
A few times lately in various conversations I've heard girls use phrases like "He was just using me for sex" or "I don't want to be used for sex", and also things like "He needs to earn it first".
I don't understand this concept.
As far as I can tell, having sex with someone is a trade. They get some, you get some. Everyone's a winner.
If a girl wants to have sex with me, then I don't see how I can 'use' her for sex, and I don't see why I should have to 'earn' it either. If she wants sex with me, and she gets it, surely that's a fairly successful outcome for her? And if she doesn't want sex with me, then I wouldn't want to do it anyway... half-hearted shags are almost invariably crap.
Anyway, can anybody explain the fault in my reasoning? Maybe girls have a sekrit stockpile of sex that guys steal from them if they don't keep it carefully guarded at all times...
Do girls actually feel like they're doing blokes a huge one-way favour when they sleep with them? If so, why do they bother doing it?
I say 'girl' because I've yet to hear a guy complain about being used for sex. Odd that. Is this because men are sluts, or is it because society has given women some weird artificially inflated opinion of the value of their participation in the sex act, compared to the participation of the guy?
Or perhaps it's that women are less likely to enjoy sex? The problem I have is reconciling enjoying sex and 'feeling used' by it. I suppose if you hated sex but did it anyway (for what?) then it would make more sense.
I know gay guys don't seem to be worried about being used for sex. Is the concept in use in the gay scene for women, or is it strictly a heterosexual thing? Maybe it's part of the whole 'women as property' mess that our society is still trying to shake off?
I really don't understand this attitude to sex - and when it's aimed at me, I find it quite insulting. It takes two to tango... if you don't want me as much as I want you, then why are we even talking about it?
A few times lately in various conversations I've heard girls use phrases like "He was just using me for sex" or "I don't want to be used for sex", and also things like "He needs to earn it first".
I don't understand this concept.
As far as I can tell, having sex with someone is a trade. They get some, you get some. Everyone's a winner.
If a girl wants to have sex with me, then I don't see how I can 'use' her for sex, and I don't see why I should have to 'earn' it either. If she wants sex with me, and she gets it, surely that's a fairly successful outcome for her? And if she doesn't want sex with me, then I wouldn't want to do it anyway... half-hearted shags are almost invariably crap.
Anyway, can anybody explain the fault in my reasoning? Maybe girls have a sekrit stockpile of sex that guys steal from them if they don't keep it carefully guarded at all times...
Do girls actually feel like they're doing blokes a huge one-way favour when they sleep with them? If so, why do they bother doing it?
I say 'girl' because I've yet to hear a guy complain about being used for sex. Odd that. Is this because men are sluts, or is it because society has given women some weird artificially inflated opinion of the value of their participation in the sex act, compared to the participation of the guy?
Or perhaps it's that women are less likely to enjoy sex? The problem I have is reconciling enjoying sex and 'feeling used' by it. I suppose if you hated sex but did it anyway (for what?) then it would make more sense.
I know gay guys don't seem to be worried about being used for sex. Is the concept in use in the gay scene for women, or is it strictly a heterosexual thing? Maybe it's part of the whole 'women as property' mess that our society is still trying to shake off?
I really don't understand this attitude to sex - and when it's aimed at me, I find it quite insulting. It takes two to tango... if you don't want me as much as I want you, then why are we even talking about it?
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(no subject)
Date: 2005-10-04 06:30 pm (UTC)*grin*
If I have a casual sex encounter, I actually prefer it to be with someone I know.
Yeah, I was just discussing this with someone on IRC literally a few seconds ago... a good friend that you can sleep with is definitely one of the best deals going. You can have so much more fun with the the kind of mutual trust and respect you have there. I know I said earlier in the thread that I don't require those things, but they certainly can lead to things getting much interesting :)
(no subject)
Date: 2005-10-04 08:55 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-10-04 10:27 pm (UTC)A little digression:
I could call him at the evening and the conversation could go like this:
me: "Ive made food, want some?"
Him: "You are just horney, arent you?"
me: "yes"
Him: "ok, I`ll be there in 5 minutes"
Quite comfy. *s*
Back on track:
I found it to be very relaxing and very safe. He was the one that encouraged me and supported me when it came to finding out more about the D/s thing, which Im very grateful for. I could talk to him about everything. And when the time came and I prefered to end the sex-part of our relationship, we parted as friends, and no-one got hurt.
I still think its a risk to get sexually involved with your allready existing friends , as one of the parts could easaly get emotionally involved, -and then get hurt, which could risk the entire friendship.