Jul. 28th, 2003

denny: Photo of my face in profile - looking to the right (Default)
dennyd
is a Giant Ant that CANNOT BE STOPPED, Expands when Attacked, enjoys Climbing Buildings, and eats Nuclear Waste and Renault Clio drivers.
Strength: 10 Agility: 8 Intelligence: 10



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denny: Photo of my face in profile - looking to the right (Default)
I just got a visit. From my ex-girlfriend. Yes, that one.

It all went okay, I think. Nothing nasty anyway... it was obviously a fairly emotional occasion, but she didn't come around to cause trouble.

I assumed she'd found out about the accident from her daughter, but apparently not - she just got this 'horrible feeling' last month, that I'd been seriously hurt or killed, and it was really starting to get to her - so in the end she got a friend to drive her around here just to make sure I was still okay.

*blink*

Anyway. I don't even know what to summarise out of that encounter. I already knew that I missed her pretty badly, but of course seeing her made it that much more tangible. As did the fact that she's missed me. We both still love each other, apparently. Jesus, life is complicated sometimes.

I knew she hadn't come round looking for trouble as soon as I opened the upstairs window and saw who it was. No idea how I knew that. She just wanted to see me.

She's still on anti-depressants, which she was put on after we split up, and now she has a psychiatrist too. Seems I fucked her head up pretty thoroughly on the way out of her life. Needless to say this doesn't fill me with joy. Her psychiatrist, incidentally, has repeatedly advised her that she shouldn't come to see me, as have her GP and her friends. Hrm.

She told me that she was stalking me for a while: "Properly - with binoculars and everything". I don't know when that was, or what to make of it.

She swung back and forth repeatedly and rapidly between seeming happy to hear that at least some of the emotional charge in the room was mine, and not wanting to hear that our feelings were largely mutual. Which is fair enough, if a little tricky for conversational purposes.

I have missed her. So. Much. This will not have helped. I dread to think how much damage she's just done to whatever defences she's built up over the last 18 months if I've got holes this size in mine right now.

I'm pretty sure she's missed me even more than I've missed her.

I have no idea what happens now. Twice today she said "This might be the last time I ever see you", and to be honest that might be the best idea... but there's no way I'll turn her away if she turns up here again like she did today.

We hugged and kissed goodbye, and I said "Take care of yourself. I love you."

And then I sat on the stairs and listened to their car leave, and waited for my legs to stop shaking so that I could hobble back up the stairs safely.

</braindump>

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