Well. That was unexpected.

[denny]

I just got a visit. From my ex-girlfriend. Yes, that one.

It all went okay, I think. Nothing nasty anyway... it was obviously a fairly emotional occasion, but she didn't come around to cause trouble.

I assumed she'd found out about the accident from her daughter, but apparently not - she just got this 'horrible feeling' last month, that I'd been seriously hurt or killed, and it was really starting to get to her - so in the end she got a friend to drive her around here just to make sure I was still okay.

*blink*

Anyway. I don't even know what to summarise out of that encounter. I already knew that I missed her pretty badly, but of course seeing her made it that much more tangible. As did the fact that she's missed me. We both still love each other, apparently. Jesus, life is complicated sometimes.

I knew she hadn't come round looking for trouble as soon as I opened the upstairs window and saw who it was. No idea how I knew that. She just wanted to see me.

She's still on anti-depressants, which she was put on after we split up, and now she has a psychiatrist too. Seems I fucked her head up pretty thoroughly on the way out of her life. Needless to say this doesn't fill me with joy. Her psychiatrist, incidentally, has repeatedly advised her that she shouldn't come to see me, as have her GP and her friends. Hrm.

She told me that she was stalking me for a while: "Properly - with binoculars and everything". I don't know when that was, or what to make of it.

She swung back and forth repeatedly and rapidly between seeming happy to hear that at least some of the emotional charge in the room was mine, and not wanting to hear that our feelings were largely mutual. Which is fair enough, if a little tricky for conversational purposes.

I have missed her. So. Much. This will not have helped. I dread to think how much damage she's just done to whatever defences she's built up over the last 18 months if I've got holes this size in mine right now.

I'm pretty sure she's missed me even more than I've missed her.

I have no idea what happens now. Twice today she said "This might be the last time I ever see you", and to be honest that might be the best idea... but there's no way I'll turn her away if she turns up here again like she did today.

We hugged and kissed goodbye, and I said "Take care of yourself. I love you."

And then I sat on the stairs and listened to their car leave, and waited for my legs to stop shaking so that I could hobble back up the stairs safely.

</braindump>

Comments

[kissycat1000.livejournal.com]

OMG..

*just holds you*

[sinders.livejournal.com]

I can kind of identify with this, due to my own situation with ak67. We keep falling out, splitting up and then getting back together.

It seems that no matter what we do, he loves me and I love him, nothing will ever change that and we will always find our way back to each other no matter what. Maybe he's not living with me any more, but I know in time he will be again, if it's meant to be...

If you and your ex still have these feelings for each other, I would say go for it; otherwise you'll spend the rest of your lives wondering what might have been.

*Hugs you and is careful of the leg*

[dennyd.livejournal.com]

I think we're beyond the 'one last try' stage now. We broke each other into little pieces and enough is enough.

Which doesn't mean I don't want to try again. Just that I won't.

Probably.

[sinders.livejournal.com]

Ah, right. Obviously I've not had you on my friends for very long so don't know much about what happened between you. Really sorry it seems to have been a bad deal while you were together.

Oh, and hope you like the promised pic of one of my tatts that is finally an LJ icon :)

[dennyd.livejournal.com]

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times."

I was going to comment on the icon, but forgot - yeah, nice  :)

[azekeil.livejournal.com]

*blink*. Meep.

You know how you wonder at our connection from time to time? I have a feeling it's not you and ME, it's YOU. I think YOU are able to form strong connections if you want to.

I've missed my exes badly and so forth, but not to that level.

[velvetfox.livejournal.com]

*comfort and empathy*

[rixxin.livejournal.com]

*grabs hardboard, nails and masking tape*

Huh? She......used the front door?

[dennyd.livejournal.com]

*grin*

Put your tools away. Well, alright, most of them. ;)

[rixxin.livejournal.com]

I always have one power tool fully charged!

[wildeabandon.livejournal.com]

*holds you tight*

[denari.livejournal.com]

Sounds like you've had a rollercoaster ride recently dude. Hope you're holding up ok?

[dennyd.livejournal.com]

I'm starting to think someone unleashed that Chinese curse on me - you know, "May you live in interesting times". Still, I have good friends and stuff, so I'm sure I'll get through to the other side of all the excitement with most of my sanity intact  :)