Oh yeah, that...
Feb. 16th, 2003 01:20 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dennyWhile wandering around Hyde Park today I saw one of my ex-gf's close friends. The one who took the view that I was to be detested, loathed and reviled for my part in the break-up, rather than getting on with taking care of her friend like the rest did, and like my friends did for me.
I valiantly tried a polite smile and nod, which was met with a stony-faced confirmation that I'm still lower than dog shit in her books. And why this bothers me so much, indeed why it bothers me at all, I have no idea. I never liked her much anyway, she seemed to delight in making people uncomfortable in social situations just to see how they'd react - a type of person I have particular difficulty in getting along with.
But more generally, seeing her has opened the door to another round of realising just how much I miss my ex. Before things got completely fucked up, we were really quite stunningly good together, and I miss her, and I miss us. It's not the only reason I'm miserable this evening, but it's fairly high up the list. And I wonder to myself - is that normal? I've never really been in a relationship that broke up through largely my fault before, never been the one who fucked it all up... is it normal to still have such strong regrets, to get overwhelmed by the memories, a year later?
I couldn't even tell you if I think it's a bad thing or not right now... I'm kind of pleased that I still feel so much for her. It makes me think that when we were right, we were really right.
I valiantly tried a polite smile and nod, which was met with a stony-faced confirmation that I'm still lower than dog shit in her books. And why this bothers me so much, indeed why it bothers me at all, I have no idea. I never liked her much anyway, she seemed to delight in making people uncomfortable in social situations just to see how they'd react - a type of person I have particular difficulty in getting along with.
But more generally, seeing her has opened the door to another round of realising just how much I miss my ex. Before things got completely fucked up, we were really quite stunningly good together, and I miss her, and I miss us. It's not the only reason I'm miserable this evening, but it's fairly high up the list. And I wonder to myself - is that normal? I've never really been in a relationship that broke up through largely my fault before, never been the one who fucked it all up... is it normal to still have such strong regrets, to get overwhelmed by the memories, a year later?
I couldn't even tell you if I think it's a bad thing or not right now... I'm kind of pleased that I still feel so much for her. It makes me think that when we were right, we were really right.
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If it helps, mate....
Date: 2003-02-17 09:21 am (UTC)"What the fuck was that all about???"
And be friends.
Don't take my word for it mate.
On another note, *Huuuuuuuuugs* because I know what it's like. Experiencing much the same this weekend as well, seeing as y'know, valentines and her birthday an' all.
Find masculine friends to go "Ug!" and drink beer with.
I'm always so much happier when it's over...
d
*Hugs and sugar highs*