Oh yeah, that...

[denny]

While wandering around Hyde Park today I saw one of my ex-gf's close friends. The one who took the view that I was to be detested, loathed and reviled for my part in the break-up, rather than getting on with taking care of her friend like the rest did, and like my friends did for me.

I valiantly tried a polite smile and nod, which was met with a stony-faced confirmation that I'm still lower than dog shit in her books. And why this bothers me so much, indeed why it bothers me at all, I have no idea. I never liked her much anyway, she seemed to delight in making people uncomfortable in social situations just to see how they'd react - a type of person I have particular difficulty in getting along with.

But more generally, seeing her has opened the door to another round of realising just how much I miss my ex. Before things got completely fucked up, we were really quite stunningly good together, and I miss her, and I miss us. It's not the only reason I'm miserable this evening, but it's fairly high up the list. And I wonder to myself - is that normal? I've never really been in a relationship that broke up through largely my fault before, never been the one who fucked it all up... is it normal to still have such strong regrets, to get overwhelmed by the memories, a year later?

I couldn't even tell you if I think it's a bad thing or not right now... I'm kind of pleased that I still feel so much for her. It makes me think that when we were right, we were really right.

Comments

[azekeil.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry for my inanities. I wish I had been more receptive. I do think it must be time for me to go to bed. *hugs*

[dennyd.livejournal.com]

You made me laugh mate, I can't think of anything I'd rather have done with those five minutes than talk to you  :)

And if I had kissycat1000 wandering around in those socks, I'd be off to bed too  ;)

[azekeil.livejournal.com]

I don't think I'd normally have the confidence to call you up like that. Also, I normally *HATE* phones. I did want to speak to you though :)

Those socks are good *grin*

[naranek.livejournal.com]

Are you sure you're not me? :-(. Dunno if it's normal, but you're not alone, fwiw - I get the whole regret-being-apart thing, though Elizabeth and I were only ever really good together from her point of view. Just sad that so much history's over, really, that we had a shot and we blew it (not that we had much chance to start with).

I think I've kind of given up on relationships, anyway. They seem to work for other people, but I just end up hurting people and getting fucked up: Perl is much easier to relate to.

[duranorak.livejournal.com]

Eh, kids, of course it's normal if you've been with someone you cared about. ~hugs both of you~

And I've had similar things lately with the friend of an ex, so...~sigh~

E.
x

[feanelwa.livejournal.com]

Yes, lots of other people get that too, but most of them are too dishonest to admit it to anybody.

Can't think of anything to say to the rest except *hugs* *gives chocolate*

[dennyd.livejournal.com]

*is hugged... and chocolated... and smiling*

[wildeabandon.livejournal.com]

Ach - of course it's normal. I still get mopey over Oliver at times, despite a)knowing we really *weren't* good together, and b)still seeing him as a friend.

Have you considered getting back in touch with her. Perhaps it's been long enough that she's calmed down a lot? Perhaps a note saying "I'm sorry I fucked up so badly, but I miss you. Can we be friends?" I don't know her, so perhaps that wouldn't work, but something along those lines might?

*cuddles you*

[dennyd.livejournal.com]

Have you considered getting back in touch with her

Probably only once or twice a week. Maybe three or four times, lately.  :)

I don't think it will work, or I'd have tried it already. Things might reach the point where I decide to try it anyway, just to lay the possibility to rest... but I think I need to be happier myself so that I can ride that one out, if it does go badly.

If it helps, mate....

[flannelcat.livejournal.com]

...these days I'm in touch with a girl I used to date, but who I didn't see for two or three years. These days we get along great, with all of it in the past. If she's worth it, she'll come back into your life, and you'll both have the time and strength to look back and think
"What the fuck was that all about???"

And be friends.

Don't take my word for it mate.

On another note, *Huuuuuuuuugs* because I know what it's like. Experiencing much the same this weekend as well, seeing as y'know, valentines and her birthday an' all.

Find masculine friends to go "Ug!" and drink beer with.

I'm always so much happier when it's over...

d
*Hugs and sugar highs*