No, you can't use me for sex.

[denny]

...not because I wouldn't let you, but just because I don't see how it would be possible. I like sex.


A few times lately in various conversations I've heard girls use phrases like "He was just using me for sex" or "I don't want to be used for sex", and also things like "He needs to earn it first".

I don't understand this concept.

As far as I can tell, having sex with someone is a trade. They get some, you get some. Everyone's a winner.

If a girl wants to have sex with me, then I don't see how I can 'use' her for sex, and I don't see why I should have to 'earn' it either. If she wants sex with me, and she gets it, surely that's a fairly successful outcome for her? And if she doesn't want sex with me, then I wouldn't want to do it anyway... half-hearted shags are almost invariably crap.

Anyway, can anybody explain the fault in my reasoning? Maybe girls have a sekrit stockpile of sex that guys steal from them if they don't keep it carefully guarded at all times...

Do girls actually feel like they're doing blokes a huge one-way favour when they sleep with them? If so, why do they bother doing it?

I say 'girl' because I've yet to hear a guy complain about being used for sex. Odd that. Is this because men are sluts, or is it because society has given women some weird artificially inflated opinion of the value of their participation in the sex act, compared to the participation of the guy?

Or perhaps it's that women are less likely to enjoy sex? The problem I have is reconciling enjoying sex and 'feeling used' by it. I suppose if you hated sex but did it anyway (for what?) then it would make more sense.

I know gay guys don't seem to be worried about being used for sex. Is the concept in use in the gay scene for women, or is it strictly a heterosexual thing? Maybe it's part of the whole 'women as property' mess that our society is still trying to shake off?

I really don't understand this attitude to sex - and when it's aimed at me, I find it quite insulting. It takes two to tango... if you don't want me as much as I want you, then why are we even talking about it?

Comments

[dennyd.livejournal.com]

I belive in being honest about what you want. If you are, -and you get honesty yourself, he/she/you/whatever can`t come running afterwards and say: "He only used me for sex".

Yep, honesty is definitely the best plan. Although I don't think you can guarantee that you won't get people complaining afterwards that they didn't get what they expected - you just have a much safer feeling that you did all you could to make the situation clear, and if they still misunderstood then at least you shouldn't have to feel too guilty about it.

[missyasmina.livejournal.com]

Thats what I meant yes, -if you have been honest about your attention, -and the others person still misunderstands, -or get some unwelcome feelings, and therefor want more, and perhaps get the "used" feeling, -you shouldnt feel to guilty.

The dilemma is when you notice that someone actually has feelings for you, and being well aware of what your attentions are he/she still wants to have sex with you, -would you? Or would you have rejected them to prevent theim misunderstanding anything and maybe giving them false hopes.

Does the fact that you had been honest all the way justify having sex with that person?