This and that...

[denny]

Last night: went to see Sin City with trishpiglet. It was very good, in an artistically violent sort of way... I enjoyed it, although possibly not in quite the same way that she did ;)

Today: hopefully an electrician will be around soon to repair my lights, which stopped working a few days ago. This has led to me having to shower in the pitch black (my bathroom has no windows), which is an interesting tactile experience, but a bit worrying with my gimpy leg and semi-functional balance.

At midday I have to go and pick up a hire car, then in the afternoon I'll be driving to somewhere between Luton and Bedford, and in the evening I'll be spinning fire at a huge party, so that should be quite cool. I've been really looking forward to this party, especially after last weekend's clubbing bombed out, so I hope it's as much fun as I want it to be! And I hope I don't bollix up the performing too badly :)

In general: I keep looking out of my window and thinking my car has been stolen. My heart is getting quite a workout leaping up into my throat several times a day.

I feel as if something big is happening with my life right now... I just don't know what it is. Possibly it's just adaption to being so very single, for more-or-less the first time since I was a teenager. It feels worryingly like the last couple of times that I've felt 'grown up', force-matured by events and circumstance. This has never really been a Good Thing™ for my general happiness levels, so I'm a bit concerned about the whole thing. It bodes, as Gaspode would say.

Last week I fell out with three of my close friends, and although the circumstances were very different in each case, I felt that there was some connection (beyond me being an unreasonable bastard, which although I'm willing to consider as an option, doesn't really seem to be the case after asking some uninvolved people for their thoughts). Having given it a lot of thought, the only links I can think of are 'thinking my time isn't worth anything' and 'putting their own wants and desires so far ahead of my own that mine might as well not exist'. I'm not sure if those aren't too generic to actually mean anything, and I don't know what I'm hoping to achieve by figuring out the connection anyway.

On the whole, I'm feeling very lonely a lot of the time at the moment. This is probably easily explained by the combination of being single, having my transport link to the rest of the world cut off again after such a short time of having one, and falling out with good friends. Knowing the reason doesn't make it even a tiny bit better.

Oh, and I feel sick. But hopefully that's just because it's the morning and I woke up way too early for my liking.

Edit: oh, and, I was actually hoping that the results of this poll would cheer me up a bit, but I guess I over-estimated my appeal these days. I suppose it could be worse, at least all the 'ewww' people are straight guys. My thanks to the 'hell yeah' people... both of them. Any time :)

Comments

[skx.livejournal.com]

OK so you lured me into voting .. I would have done previously, but it seems a bit pointless - given the huge distance and the fact I don't know you irl.

Still I hope you're not getting sick, it sounds like that's the last thing you need on top of everything else.

[dennyd.livejournal.com]

I'm feeling better already, thanks... I almost always feel nauseated when I wake up before 10am. Really not a morning person :)

[ciphergoth.livejournal.com]

If I did such a poll, it would have only "yes please", "maybe", and "no thanks" options...

[dennyd.livejournal.com]

Hrm... it's nice to know who approaches the idea with that extra bit of enthusiasm though :)

[missyasmina.livejournal.com]

Good morning, Im glad your feeling better:)

I just had to ask.. "spinning fire".. whats that?
I presume it is some kind of show with fire involved.. but..


*feeling very smalltowngirlish at the moment*

[dennyd.livejournal.com]

http://www.homeofpoi.com/gallery/showphoto.php?photo=3843&password=&sort=1&cat=500&page=1

[missyasmina.livejournal.com]

Kind of what I thought it would be..but wow..there were some really cool pics there, must be amazing to watch and so fun to do.
Difficult is it?
Oh well..How fun at the party to night:)

[dennyd.livejournal.com]

Done with something like this:

(except mine have two wicks on the end of each, instead of one - hence the double trails)

[ravenselene.livejournal.com]

I* feel your view on the time thing is unfair. I have been there for you many many many times when you've needed a friend. Including when you broke up with last girlfriend, hospital, depressive times, when you broke up with girlfriend you lived with blah blah blah.
AND. Despite the fact that I feel you've been very unreasonable and despite the fact you've upset me I have still been clear on the fact that I still love you and you still have my friendship.
yada yada yada

[trishpiglet.livejournal.com]

although possibly not in quite the same way that she did ;)

Next time I should get a seat on my own at the back
; )

[wildeabandon.livejournal.com]

beyond me being an unreasonable bastard, which although I'm willing to consider as an option, doesn't really seem to be the case after asking some uninvolved people for their thoughts

Certainly not the case with me - "putting my own wants and desires so far ahead of yours that they might as well not exist" seems like a fair appraisal of my behaviour at the weekend.

As I tend to do, I keep playing through the conversation we need to have, and every time I get all defensive, and start coming up with all these reasons why it wasn't so bad, wasn't my fault, you're over-reacting, and then hitting myself over the head with a metaphorical hammer and starting again. S'amazing how desperate the human (or possibly just my) mind is to avoid admitting to having screwed up really badly.

But I did, and I'm sorry, and in the bigger picture, I really do care about what you want, and I really really hope I'll get the opportunity to show you.

[wildeabandon.livejournal.com]

(Oh, and I would have been a "Hell yes" on the poll, if I didn't think you probably wouldn't want me to be at the moment, if that makes sense)

[dennyd.livejournal.com]

S'amazing how desperate the human (or possibly just my) mind is [...]

Oh, I think that one is fairly universal :)

[cryx]

i felt that i should leave answering the poll until we've met well in person ;P

[booklectica]

I try not to get into fancying people unless I think it might be reciprocated and unless it seems like a good idea. I do think you're *very* pretty, though. (Handsome? Attractive? Not sure of word.) Here, have some cleavage.

[dennyd.livejournal.com]

Woohoo! Cleavage!! :)