Miserable bastard...
Sep. 27th, 2004 05:00 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dennyA theme seems to be emerging in things various people have said to me lately... along the lines of "makes a change to see you smile" and "I don't think I've ever heard you laugh before" and "you always seem so serious" and so on... and so I ask you, those who know me: Am I in fact a miserable bastard? I didn't think so, but I'm starting to wonder.
I guess I've had more than my fair share of down moods in the last year, but I think that's reasonable under the circumstances. A second question then, for those who've known me long enough: If I am a miserable bastard, was I like it before the accident? And a third question: If I wasn't, is it about time I got over it?
I don't think there are enough people reading this who knew me before I split up with my last monogamous girlfriend for it to be worth me posing the latter two questions with that as a reference point in time instead of the accident - probably only![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
elise and darklightimages knew me before all that happened, only the latter knowing me well before it all started to happen. Which is a shame, because thinking about it I suspect that if I have lost a light-hearted element of my character, I most likely dropped it around then.
Tangentially related, I got my appointment today to go and see the local mental health team next week. This is primarily for the depression/PTS/etc from the accident, but I guess they'll cover whatever problems I appear to come to them with. My mood crashed horribly when I damaged my leg last week, I appear to be terrified to near-mindlessness of being stuck back in the 'life on pause' status that temporary disability brings with it. I'm just feeling the first hints of that mood lifting now, but it doesn't seem to be going anywhere near as quickly as I'd hoped it would once I tentatively started walking again.
I guess I've had more than my fair share of down moods in the last year, but I think that's reasonable under the circumstances. A second question then, for those who've known me long enough: If I am a miserable bastard, was I like it before the accident? And a third question: If I wasn't, is it about time I got over it?
I don't think there are enough people reading this who knew me before I split up with my last monogamous girlfriend for it to be worth me posing the latter two questions with that as a reference point in time instead of the accident - probably only
elise and darklightimages knew me before all that happened, only the latter knowing me well before it all started to happen. Which is a shame, because thinking about it I suspect that if I have lost a light-hearted element of my character, I most likely dropped it around then.Tangentially related, I got my appointment today to go and see the local mental health team next week. This is primarily for the depression/PTS/etc from the accident, but I guess they'll cover whatever problems I appear to come to them with. My mood crashed horribly when I damaged my leg last week, I appear to be terrified to near-mindlessness of being stuck back in the 'life on pause' status that temporary disability brings with it. I'm just feeling the first hints of that mood lifting now, but it doesn't seem to be going anywhere near as quickly as I'd hoped it would once I tentatively started walking again.
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Date: 2004-09-27 10:22 am (UTC)That aside, I'd say you weren't miserable as such. I feel you just exhibit a general tiredness with reality, that comes from being grounded. I tend to get "miserable" when I think about quantum mechanics, the feeling of being dwarfed not by something so large, but by discrete processes that carry on "underneath" me.
I've found that feeling often harder to deal with, than say, someone bashing my front door in.
x
D