Insomnia Considered Tedious

That was a long night.

Now I get to travel on the tube for a couple of hours to go and see a consultant about my leg - this is for the (hopefully) final insurance report, so I should be hearing long-term prognosis from this. I'm not sure I want to know, not just now. Maybe he'll save the details for the report, so I can not spend this weekend obsessing about them.

Not that I've got anything better to think about currently. Maybe I should ask for the details.

Life goes on. And on. And on...

Today I can understand why the word 'gutted' started being used in quite that slang context. I feel like a have an aching empty space inside me - I half expect to collapse in around it at any second.

The consultant says my leg is about as good as it's going to get. So that's a bit crap. On the other hand, he did say that he would strongly recommend the removal of the metalwork when he writes his report. A few days ago, this probably would have made me quite happy, as the NHS weren't keen to do it... hopefully this will mean I can get it done privately and charge it to the insurance claim. Right now I'm a bit short on enthusiasm though.

Musings...

On further reflection (and I've not been thinking about much else), I think this has hit me so hard because I've not been in this particular situation before; I was 110% happy in this relationship, and yet the other person was so unimpressed with it that they didn't think it was worth carrying on. It came as something of a nasty shock to find that out.

I've been more used to the 'fizzling out by mutual agreement' sort of thing. Or admittedly in one case it was a 'long drawn out explosion' sort of thing, but still mutual at least.

I wish my head would shut the fuck up.

D'oh.

Never, ever, text the person who just broke up with you. Not about the break-up anyway. You have nothing to say that they want to hear, and their answer will probably make that clear. Which won't help you feel any less fucked up.

Also, it's sort of pathetic.

Oh do be quiet.

Speaking of pathetic, I think it's time to ban myself from posting to LJ for a while. See you on the flip side.