Do you want something to drink?
Sep. 18th, 2003 07:17 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dennyI'm currently reading a book in which the main character is autistic. It's interesting seeing some of the parallels, particularly in social behaviour, with geek behavioural patterns.
One thing that particularly intrigued me was a scene where a group of autistic adults are all at one of them's apartment. One asks for a drink, others chime in, and the first-person narrative notes that 'normal' people keep asking you if you want a drink all the time - but it's so much more efficient this way, with people just asking for a drink when they want one.
I've always had a problem getting to grips with general host type behaviour - it seems so bizarre to me that I'd invite someone into my house and then treat them formally. If I have a friend around my house, I basically expect them to make themselves at home. If they want a drink, I expect them to raid the fridge, not sit there waiting for me to offer. The same applies in reverse - if I'm at someone else's place, I have to concentrate to figure out if they're going to be weirded out if I just wander off and raid their kitchen when I'm thirsty, whether they would prefer me to ask and let them get it.
You could say that it's being polite to offer your guests a drink, but as a guest I feel a bit weird about having my friend 'waiting' on me. The whole concept is so incredibly odd to me that I can't ever see myself going through the appropriate motions without a severe effort of concentration, to remember that this is what is considered appropriate behaviour in these circumstances.
So. A poll, and hopefully some discussion too.
[Poll #181663]
One thing that particularly intrigued me was a scene where a group of autistic adults are all at one of them's apartment. One asks for a drink, others chime in, and the first-person narrative notes that 'normal' people keep asking you if you want a drink all the time - but it's so much more efficient this way, with people just asking for a drink when they want one.
I've always had a problem getting to grips with general host type behaviour - it seems so bizarre to me that I'd invite someone into my house and then treat them formally. If I have a friend around my house, I basically expect them to make themselves at home. If they want a drink, I expect them to raid the fridge, not sit there waiting for me to offer. The same applies in reverse - if I'm at someone else's place, I have to concentrate to figure out if they're going to be weirded out if I just wander off and raid their kitchen when I'm thirsty, whether they would prefer me to ask and let them get it.
You could say that it's being polite to offer your guests a drink, but as a guest I feel a bit weird about having my friend 'waiting' on me. The whole concept is so incredibly odd to me that I can't ever see myself going through the appropriate motions without a severe effort of concentration, to remember that this is what is considered appropriate behaviour in these circumstances.
So. A poll, and hopefully some discussion too.
[Poll #181663]
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(no subject)
Date: 2003-09-18 04:51 pm (UTC)I tend to offer people a drink when I'm on home ground, but I will ask for one if I need one when I'm out and about. I see no problem with being asked if someone needs a drink.