(no subject)

[denny]

From http://www.nakedloftparty.com/journal/2006/07/05/385/the-cripple :

[The girl I'm with] keeps reaching into her purse for her cell phone and surreptitiously checking text messages from some phone stalker. I catch her doing it, then she apologizes, and then, minutes later, she does it again.

Remember the good old days, when people didn’t drag their virtual pals with them everywhere? Neither do I. Seems rather quaint now, like something out of A Prairie Home Companion.

It’s been said we despise in others those qualities we truly despise in ourselves. When, the very next night, I catch myself doing the very same thing — to my parents, no less — I realize that I too suffer from the New Yorker’s attention deficit disorder. I’ve become, in a sense, a social cripple, hobbling from one trivial interaction to the next, always off balance, unable or unwilling (I don’t know which) to steady myself in the moment.

I've noticed myself doing this a couple of times recently - checking text messages while I'm actually talking to someone else. Generally while they're talking. It's really rude, and if anyone notices me doing it they are welcome to point this out... I'd very much like to lose the habit.

The bit about steadying yourself in the moment particularly caught my eye... it's something I've always tried to do, with a reasonable amount of success I think - libellum has commented a few times lately on the fact that I'm a calming influence (although possibly not this weekend just gone) :-P

Comments

[bluecassandra.livejournal.com]

I had to get Dave to stop doing that. He used to take me out to restaurants and have his phone on next to his plate at all times, it drove me nuts.

Yelling,pleading, rweasoned argum,ent, sulking and getting your friends to glare sternly at him all seem to be effective ploys. Combine at random for speedy change!

[libellum.livejournal.com]

I don't notice you doing it much. There have been times when I've been talking to you and you've started texting one of your exes/other lovers to tell them you're thinking about them, which is really annoying. However, in the past my tactic has not been to confront you about it, but to defensively start doing the same thing, which is clearly not helpful at all.

It's not really been a problem though lately... we've been kinda fixated on each other :)

[dennyd.livejournal.com]

Hrm... being with you does make me think of other lovers sometimes... you live with one of them, for a start, so she does get brought to mind during conversation sometimes.

If it bugs you I'll try not to do it in future... I wouldn't have noticed the retaliatory approach because I don't have any objection to you remote-snuggling other people while you're with me :)

[libellum.livejournal.com]

I don't have any objection to you snuggling other people remotely or otherwise when you're with me - it's you turning round and snuggling them while I'm talking to you that's slightly annoying. If they were *there* it'd be different, I wouldn't mind at all, so maybe the annoying thing is the text bit rather than the snuggling bit?

Oh, and Elise is the exception to pretty much anything I say about Things I'd Rather You Didn't Do In Front Of Me, in case that wasn't already obvious from the fact you've, erm, done in her front of me :D

[skx.livejournal.com]

Gotta love exchanges like this :)

[dennyd.livejournal.com]

It's a complicated life, but it does have its moments.

[skx.livejournal.com]

So long as it isn't the bad kind of complicated ..!

[libellum.livejournal.com]

Denny's lying. His lovelife is the paradigm of simplicity.

[libellum.livejournal.com]

:)

[libellum.livejournal.com]

Also damnit, reading that blog always gives me guilt for not having started TS...

[ciphergoth.livejournal.com]

See, the URL is a clue that the site is non-worksafe, but the description of the content made me think that it was just a cute name and I could safely click...

[dennyd.livejournal.com]

Oops, does it have dodgy images? I read it on a feed, sorry.

[booklectica]

I do it, but then so do most people I spend time with, so I assume that makes it OK - i.e., presumably neither of us sees it as rude.

[dennyd.livejournal.com]

Fair point, but do you think it's actually a good idea? (or at least, not a bad one) I'm fairly sure I'm not paying sufficient attention to what the other person is saying whenever I'm poking my phone.

I've started wondering how disruptive it would be if I actually said "Excuse me, I just want to check my messages" every time I did it...

[booklectica]

No, it's probably a bad idea, you're right. Maybe I should make more effort not to do it.

[ajva.livejournal.com]

I really really really hate this. But then I'm a bit ambivalent towards mobile phones anyway; I only have one at all because I was given one as a present. And Luddite that I am, in general I think people should switch their phones off more often. And, y'know, communicate the old-fashioned way. The same applies to people surfing the net non-stop when I visit them in their houses; it irritates the hell out of me.

I guess I was born too late. :o)

[azekeil.livejournal.com]

I have to agree with you on both counts - I hate mobile phones (and their disruption of social intercourse), and I even dislike surfing the web while others are around - but I still do the latter from time to time.

[skorpionuk.livejournal.com]

I really dislike it when people do it in my presence, worst of all when it's just two of us - group situations are different, I suppose. I can understand it if something urgent crops up that they need to deal with, but just random banter? No, time is precious, and most people I know are perennially busy, so let's keep what time we can spend together as focussed as possible, and I'm afraid that does include listening to me when I'm talking ;-)

If there really is a need to contact someone else, do the decent thing, and take a toilet break. I've been known to check my phone while my companion's at the bar / on the loo / wherever, too, but I make an effort to stop when they come back.

[hythloday.livejournal.com]

I hate this, to the point where I'll turn my mobile off if I'm eating with people (at the moment it's set to "never vibrate or ring under any circumstances"). The flip side of that is that people who think they ought to have instant remote access to your undivided attention don't get it. :)

[skorpionuk.livejournal.com]

I like you, you may stay ;-)

As one of my friends likes to point out, his mobile is for HIS convenience, not anybody else's! As a consequence, unless he happens to feel communicative, getting hold of him can be tricky, but it's surprising how easy it is to get used to that. And how enjoyable his company is when you do manage to pin him down. See? Everybody wins.

[skx.livejournal.com]

I get a bit annoyed with people doing that if they do it too often, but quite how much that is depends on who they are and what we're doing.

I tend to either ignore my phone, or only pick it up when it vibrates near me, rather than just checking it on the off-chance.

(Course sometimes I do take it out of my pocket to look at it, but that is because I don't often wear a watch and I want to check the time.)

[fiona-kitty.livejournal.com]

AFAICT I only check my phone for messages during conversations if I don't actually want to talk to the person I'm talking to, in an attempt to drop a hint!