Human Virus Scanner

[denny]

Viruses you suffer from:

Linux
Install the latest version of Microsoft Windows. Learn to love it.

USA
Rule, Britannia! Britannia rule the waves! [repeat]

Junkfood
Eat some real food. Something which you can identify the source of every ingredient, not the point of manufacture.

Free BSD
The GPL isn't that bad really. Adopt a penguin at the zoo.

Goth
Grow up. Let your roots grow out. Listen to Britney.

Gaming
Life is not a game. Roll 3D6. On a 4 or more go out and do something with your life.

BBCB
CTRL-Break, and get a real computer. Repeat: "Mode 7 was not a good thing."

Sci-fi
Stop wearing the stick-on ears.

8-Bit
Polygons, all the polygons you can get are not enough.

British
No need for cure. Benign virus.

UNIX
Anything this old must be obselete. Go and install a nice modern operating system. I hear MSDOS has come a long way lately.

vi
Escape Meta Alt Control Shift.

Politics
Stop caring!

Brand Names
Having a well-known name doesn't make it good.

Computer Games
Stop staring at the screen and get some fresh air. You should see a doctor about the RSI in your thumbs.

Environmentalism
Consume more stuff! It's easier to buy new stuff than to recycle.


Viruses you might suffer from:

Industrial (70%)
Everyone likes folk. No, really. Maybe you should listen to the Incredible String Band.

Religion (90%)
Read "God's Debris" by Scott Adams (yes, the Dilbert guy)

X11 (60%)
I hear Mac OS 10 Aqua is nice at this time of year.

Conspiracy Theory (80%)
Face it, the elected government is in control. Actually that's quite scary.

Hippyism (60%)
Free love is passe and potentially dangerous, and patchouli smells like cat piss.

Macintosh (60%)
Use a mouse with more than one button.

Prog Rock (60%)
Long hair looks dumb with a bald spot. Listen to CD's they don't crackle.

Japan (60%)
Big is good. Small is bad. Giant robots would not make a good last line of defence for Earth.


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