Found on t'internets...

[denny]

Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels. Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round. I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior... Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen...

When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to:

M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc.
Hackettstown, NJ
17840-1503 U.S.A.

along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."

This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money". I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion. There can be only one.

Comments

[tar0r.livejournal.com]

But surely the last standing is not necessarily the strongest at all...

Say two rounds previous, you had red and blue. it's the red's first go, and the blue one lost. you eat the blue, take a yellow. the yellow also loses the next round, and gets eaten. Then, the final round, you pick the last green out to battle against the still-standing red. The red loses! Oh noes. That means, that the green has only had one round but still wins because it was the last one to be battled, and happened to win against an already-weakened M&M.

Unfair!

[calnen.livejournal.com]

I think he's making the assumption that an M&M will either lose, or be undamaged by a bout. Not sure whether that's valid or not - testing will be needed!

[hythloday.livejournal.com]

If I was breeding a race of super-M&Ms, I'd want to select not just the physically fittest but also the ones who possessed the ability to lurk unseen at the bottom of the packet, waiting until their competitors had been disabled before pitting my strength against them.

[(Anonymous)]

But that's dishonorable!

Why would you want a dishonorable army that knows they are weak and so hides, instead of giving it their best?

[dennyd.livejournal.com]

You're asking a weasel why he appears to value cunning over honour? ;)

[dennyd.livejournal.com]

I am amused by the fact that you slipped into the first person at the end there :)

(no euphemism)

[anarquistador.livejournal.com]

It may be unfair but you can't really organise a round-robin when the loser is crushed. It's direct elimination or nothing, at least until the M&M breeding program turns out M&M's that can heal over time.
In other news, is this the most fitting opportunity for my Ramirez icon or what?!

[anarquistador.livejournal.com]

Of course, you could always separate the winners until the second round: once an M&M has survived a bout it goes into a separate bowl, and the next bout is fought by two new M&Ms; winner goes into the bowl, loser is food for worms (the worm in this case being purely metaphorical since I'm not sharing my precious chocolate with invertebrates). Once you reach the end of the bag you have a bowl of M&Ms that have all survived one bout and can go onto the second round, fairly facing off against other M&Ms who have likewise had to fight a single previous bout. Rinse. Repeat. Wipe hands on pants.

[dennyd.livejournal.com]

Elegant solution. You should write to Mars and ask for a 'grant'. :-p