It was this or ride to KFC in the cold. Actually I think I'll do that next.

[denny]

If I were a stone, I would be: inert.
If I were a tree, I would be: crooked.
If I were a bird, I would be: flying.
If I were a machine, I would be: noisy.
If I were a tool, I would be: "Heh. Heheh. You said 'Tool'. Heheheh."
If I were a flower/plant, I would be: a weed.
If I were a kind of weather, I would be: sullen and unpredictable.
If I were a mythical creature, I would be: mything in action.
If I were a musical instrument, I would be: bringing people pleasure.
If I were an animal, I would be: looking for something to eat, shag, or sleep on. Not much change there then. Except the prioritisation of eating.
If I were a colour, I would be: a super-intelligent shade.
If I were an emotion, I would be: fleeting.
If I were a vegetable, I would be: quiet.
If I were a sound, I would be: used to probe hidden depths.
If I were an Element, I would be: volatile.
If I were a car, I would be: polluting.
If I were a song, I would be: terrible, probably.
If I were to trade places with another person, it would be: more likely to upset them than me.
If I were a movie, I would be: over budget.
If I were a food, I would be: something that has to be licked a lot, rather than chewed.
If I were a place, I would be: dull.
If I were a material, I would be: experimented upon by firewoman.
If I were a taste, I would be: lacking.
If I were a religion, I would be: incredibly dangerous.
If I were a word, I would be: hard to spell.
If I were an object, I would be: lost down the back of the sofa.
If I were a body part I would be: bleeding.
If I were a facial expression I would be: impossible to reproduce.
If I were a subject in school I would be: difficult and tedious.
If I were a cartoon character I would be: taking less shit from life than I do right now. Even if I was the one that gets blown up 5 times each show.
If I were a shape I would be: constantly changing.
If I were a number I would be: failing to resist the cheap "I am a free man" gag.
If I were a month I would be: my cousin. Time is relative. ;)
If I were a day of the week I would be: not long enough.
If I were a time of day I would be: the wrong one.
If I were a direction I would be: "Exit pursued by a bear"
If I were a piece of furniture I would be: theoretically quite clever, but actually tending to break after relatively mild stresses and strains.
If I were a sin I would be: happy with my purpose in life, at last.
If I were a historical figure I would be: dead.
If I were a liquid I would be: viscous.
If I were a method of death I would be: boredom.

I quite enjoyed that one  :)

Update: sod it, it's payday. *phones pizza*